I am also not asexual, bisexual, or even try-sexual for what it's worth. I'm just not. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm not going to waste my time (and possibly sound patronizing) by saying that "if I was I'd tell you" or some equally ridiculous crap.
I'm simply not any of these things.
However, our of sheer morbid curiosity, let's break down the reasons that I think that you might think that:
1. I don't date, am not married, do not have children, etc.
- Guess what? I'm picky. I am not willing to waste my time (or theirs) on someone who I can quickly dismiss as not-for-me. I have a list of requirements a mile long and the vast majority of those are simply non-negotiable. I'll spare you the details, but it's that simple. As Cher (in Clueless) said "Look how picky I am about my shoes, and they only go on my feet." I have in my life met only a small handful of men that even came close to thinking about reaching the bar that I have set in my mind, and in all honesty, you'd probably be very surprised to find out who a few of those men are. I don't harbor some weird I-am-a-princess mentality(contrary to popular belief), I just know what I want and equally well what I don't. I even tried relaxing my regulations, but it gave me such an overwhelming sense of "settling" that I couldn't live with myself. I don't need someone in my life to make me feel better about me, thanks. I stayed awake during the whole self esteem chapter in health class. Not to mention that my grandmother told me I was beautiful, and I believed her. I'm far happier alone until (if and when) I find someone that is exactly who I am looking for, and in the meantime I have no desire to run around kissing frogs and getting warts that antibiotics can't cure. Nope, I'll pass, but thanks.
2. I don't wear make-up, blow dry my hair, or wear heels everyday.
- I'm not the only heterosexual woman on the planet that doesn't do these things. In fact, I'm not even the only one of my friends that doesn't do these things. Sure, I clean up well, and nothing in the world makes me happier than getting all dolled up and going out looking a little bit slutty. But that's just not the everyday me, I'm not really that high maintenance. True, my everyday lip balm may cost more than your entire outfit, but I don't care to dress up and play a part everyday. Yeah, yeah, the world's a stage and all that jazz. It's not being true to who I am. Deep down, I'm just a Birkenstock wearing dirty foot hippie with an appreciation for fine cosmetics. Yes, you can be both. You can also kiss my ass if you don't agree. Frankly, I don't give a damn one way or another. I'm going to wear whatever I please. I also will say and do whatever I please, regardless of what I am wearing or for that matter where I am. It's who I am.
3. I'm fat.
- HA! I love this one more than anything for several reasons. Hmm, where to start. Firstly, being large, fat, overweight, plus-size, Shamu, whatever you want to call it does not make you gay. True, you see a lot of fluffy (FFS, I truly hate that word) lesbians, but it's really a chicken-egg question. I feel that real life, as well as on the Internet, seems to perpetuate that rumor, especially on the FA (fat acceptance) blogs and their whole view of life. To each his own, I suppose. One better, most of my friends who are also on the larger side are exceptionally promiscuous (or once were). They know who they are. In those cases, it's not about building a lasting healthy grown-up relationship, it's about getting laid to feel better about yourself, which is totally not what I am about. See No. 1. Please don't try to chalk this up to secret body image issues, or something similar. It is simply not the case. Anyone who has spent any time with me knows I'm the first one to slap on a bathing suit and parade about wherever I may be. Be it the lake, the beach, or my own yard. I'm happy to wear sleeveless, strapless, low cut, whatever. I don't care. I am also a firm believer in "just because it comes in your size doesn't mean you should wear it." I'm the first one to go on fat girl patrol. Granted, that's usually after several drinks, but whatever.
4. I man-hate.
- Yep, I said it. However, I also equally hate women, children, large and small animals, deities of nearly all flavors and probably aliens if given the chance to get to know them. I am fundamentally not a very nice person. I do not suffer fools gladly. It is a drain on your soul. (I believe the whole not being Christian thing drains enough of my soul according to most, so why add more vacuum power?) I try not to hate with prejudice. I just trust my instincts. I'm usually right, and in those cases, if for some reason I am wrong, I'll be the first to admit it. I will also happily reserve the right to change my mind at any given time about any given person. I am as quick to instantly like people as I am to instantly dislike them. There are some I hate more than others, for myriad reasons, but it's exactly that. I have my reasons.
There you have it, there's my theory and explanations.
***Just for the record, this whole thing is born out of the truly horrific and repeat offense of my step-mother's well meaning brother. As the icing on the cake of one of the most surreal-ly awful weeks from hell, he decided to ask me (be it as politely and drunkenly as possible) if I was gay. I've been building up to this rant for quite a long time, and have finally decided to let the rant roll. Those rants will eventually build themselves up to epic proportions and come out one way or another. I should forgive drunken zombie for upsetting me, but I'm really tired of this. I feel like I have answered the same question and gotten the same looks enough times that I am just really friggin tired of it. And the whole suggestion royally chaps my mom's ass, which I do find hilarious. Actually, anything that comes out of the mouth of any of my step-mother's family chaps my mom, but whatever.
